Do You Hear Me?

Our sweet Sienna turned 3 a few weeks ago.  Since this milestone she has gone and lost her ears.  I am sure they are in a very hard to reach place – like shoved under the fridge or in between the couch cushions.  Until they return, I’m afraid I have no choice but to continue to strengthen my patience.  I don’t consider myself extremely impatient but I also don’t consider myself extremely patient either!  Sienna is kindly strengthening my character and increasing my capacity for this virtue.  I know she is just simply thinking of me in her constant state of defiance J

Our sweetie seems to respond to life these days in such a way that makes me believe she feels under attack.  And in her 3 year old world, I’m sure she does!  She is learning her boundaries as well as getting used to a new baby sister.  That is a lot to process.  I once heard an analogy that compared a husband bringing home a second wife to toddler parents bringing home a new baby.  I’m sure there are feelings of “why am I not good enough?” that her 3 year old mind is trying to express. 

So the last few weeks have been all about consistent discipline.  This is HARD!  I am certainly no master, but I do know that the times we set clear boundaries and are consistent with enforcing them are the times that the behavior improves.  The trick is to not get too caught up in training behavior but training the heart.  I think when you simply train for pleasing behavior, you walk a fine line of creating a people pleaser.  People pleasers tend to lose their God given personality along the way.  On the other hand, obedient hearts do the right thing even if it doesn’t please everyone.  I want to teach Sienna obedience for her well being, not because I want to show off how well my kid behaves in front of others.

This is all fine and dandy to say, but the reality of it is very challenging.  Discipline in our house is used to correct disobedient behavior – again, trying to train the heart and not just the symptom (bad behavior).  I am fortunate in that I have a husband who is trained in children.  He is truly a master at disciplining them.  He has taught me that love is the only emotion that enters into the discipline equation.  Everything remains very factual.  You made this poor choice?  Here is the consequence.  There is no raising of voices, no angry faces, no shock over bad behavior (after all, they are toddlers!) and absolutely no belittling of the person (it is the behavior that is sour, not the person).  Of course we are human so we don’t follow this perfectly every time.  I have had plenty of occasions where I am angry, made a face of absolute disgust, am completely shocked that they would act in such a way and have wondered from time to time if I am raising a monster!  It is a process.  Hopefully Sienna realizes in the end that the time outs and spankings are us saying, “We love you too much to let you think that throwing a fit when we asked you to get dressed is ok!”  Too bad her pretty brown eyes even further complicate the disciplining process J