Do You Hear Me?

Our sweet Sienna turned 3 a few weeks ago.  Since this milestone she has gone and lost her ears.  I am sure they are in a very hard to reach place – like shoved under the fridge or in between the couch cushions.  Until they return, I’m afraid I have no choice but to continue to strengthen my patience.  I don’t consider myself extremely impatient but I also don’t consider myself extremely patient either!  Sienna is kindly strengthening my character and increasing my capacity for this virtue.  I know she is just simply thinking of me in her constant state of defiance J

Our sweetie seems to respond to life these days in such a way that makes me believe she feels under attack.  And in her 3 year old world, I’m sure she does!  She is learning her boundaries as well as getting used to a new baby sister.  That is a lot to process.  I once heard an analogy that compared a husband bringing home a second wife to toddler parents bringing home a new baby.  I’m sure there are feelings of “why am I not good enough?” that her 3 year old mind is trying to express. 

So the last few weeks have been all about consistent discipline.  This is HARD!  I am certainly no master, but I do know that the times we set clear boundaries and are consistent with enforcing them are the times that the behavior improves.  The trick is to not get too caught up in training behavior but training the heart.  I think when you simply train for pleasing behavior, you walk a fine line of creating a people pleaser.  People pleasers tend to lose their God given personality along the way.  On the other hand, obedient hearts do the right thing even if it doesn’t please everyone.  I want to teach Sienna obedience for her well being, not because I want to show off how well my kid behaves in front of others.

This is all fine and dandy to say, but the reality of it is very challenging.  Discipline in our house is used to correct disobedient behavior – again, trying to train the heart and not just the symptom (bad behavior).  I am fortunate in that I have a husband who is trained in children.  He is truly a master at disciplining them.  He has taught me that love is the only emotion that enters into the discipline equation.  Everything remains very factual.  You made this poor choice?  Here is the consequence.  There is no raising of voices, no angry faces, no shock over bad behavior (after all, they are toddlers!) and absolutely no belittling of the person (it is the behavior that is sour, not the person).  Of course we are human so we don’t follow this perfectly every time.  I have had plenty of occasions where I am angry, made a face of absolute disgust, am completely shocked that they would act in such a way and have wondered from time to time if I am raising a monster!  It is a process.  Hopefully Sienna realizes in the end that the time outs and spankings are us saying, “We love you too much to let you think that throwing a fit when we asked you to get dressed is ok!”  Too bad her pretty brown eyes even further complicate the disciplining process J         

Books I’m Reading

I’m almost finished with two books that I’ve been reading over the past few months.  The first is more of a devotional put together by the pastors/leaders of Bethel Church in Redding, CA (check out their website for great resources to strengthen your Christian walk).  The book is called Spiritual Java.  It is a very good 40 day devotional if you are interested.  I’ve also been reading The Practice of the Presence of God by Brother Lawrence.  Brother Lawrence lived during the 1600s and was a cook in a monastery.  The book is about how he cultivated such a deep relationship with the Holy Spirit that everything in his life became an act of worship.  His posture towards God was the same whether he was cooking in the kitchen, spending time in prayer or going to church. 

Here are a few of the quotes that really spoke to me from these two books.  Perhaps they’ll speak to your heart as well.

“Many do not advance in Christian progress because they stick in penances and particular exercises while neglecting the love of God, which must be the end purpose of ALL actions.” – Brother Lawrence

“Do not move faster than grace.  People do not become holy all at once.” – Brother Lawrence

“You would think it rude to leave a friend alone who came to visit you – so why must God be neglected?” – Brother Lawrence

“People don’t need to be convinced of our insights, our gifts, or our ability to convey truth.  What people need is God.”  - Bill Johnson

“We miss God when we live as though we have Him figured out.  In fact, if we think we understand Him, we have probably conformed Him into our own image.  To endeavor to know Him is to embark on an adventure in which questions increase rather than disappear.”  - Bill Johnson

Good Blogs

I hope these friends don’t mind me sharing their blogs.  For those of you that like to read a variety of blogs, here are a few that I follow that are really terrific.

o        This is my friend Sarah’s blog…perfect for those of you raising young children and want Godly information on being an awesome wife and mother!  http://imraisingworldchangers.blogspot.com/  

o        Mandy is a high school friend of Marcel’s and takes AMAZING pictures.  Her girls are beautiful so she has good subjects to work with.  I can’t wait for her to photograph our family this summer.  http://www.guthsrule.blogspot.com/

o        Sylvia used to go to our church.  She designs amazing jewelry and is starting a fashion consulting business.  I wish I had half her style.  http://www.sylvia-c.com/

o        I met Maggie through our church as well.  She is an incredible writer.  She is a deep thinker and blogs a lot about gardening and living a healthy lifestyle.  http://characterwelcome.blogspot.com/

o        Suz is another amazing writer (as is her husband OJ who contributes to the blog as well!).  She WILL publish a book someday.  She is full of spiritual wisdom.  http://ojandsuz.com/  

Three Kids

We welcomed our third child into the world a couple of months ago.  There are days that I have felt like a martyr – the only one in the world that would be brave enough to become outnumbered by going from two to three kids.  I know that sounds dramatic, but that is some insight into a few intense moments as we’ve adjusted to three kids.  The birth of each child has brought about moments of intense adjustments as my husband and I learn to care for a new life.  Obviously the first is intense because it’s the first.  You don’t have any experience and everything is a big deal.  Are they still breathing?  Do I need to be playing Mozart in the background as they sleep to increase the chance of molding a genius?  Will I ever sleep again?  Why did they tell me that breast feeding wouldn’t hurt?  Then the second one comes along and in our case it’s an intense adjustment because of extreme colic.  The only question this time is why does this baby hate me?!?  And then the third comes and the intensity is not in the unanswered questions, but the lack of hands!  The intense moments come when I feel all three kids need something from me and I just can’t accomplish them without seeing results after muttering, “Go, go Gadget arms!”  And since that statement leaves me void, I say a little prayer for patience and know that this season of intense adjustment will pass (not that I’m wishing it away by any means).

There are so many wonderful things about experiencing a new life for the third time.  First of all, it’s a new life and that is just plain exciting.  Secondly, I find myself enjoying the moment so much more this time around.  I know all of those intense moments that I just spoke of don’t last long.  She is healthy and has two siblings that absolutely adore her.  I know she won’t die from crying too much if I just don’t have the hands at the moment to pick her up.  I can now get lost in my thoughts when she is screaming in her car seat during car rides.  She actually looks like me!  She melts my heart with her smile.  She toots like a grown man.  She has a father who will raise her to be the cherished diamond that she is (her name, Kya, means Diamond in the Sky) until her husband takes on that role.  She is loved.  Three is good…

I Have a 5 Year Old!

It is a fact.  Add kids to your life and one year feels like a week, five years feels like a couple of months, 10 years feels like…you get my drift!  You can imagine my surprise at the fact that I now have a five year old when it feels like just a couple of months ago we were bringing him home from the hospital to learn how to be parents.  Jadon Maxwell was born on a very hot day in mid April five short years ago.  I was so convinced that he was a girl that I stared at him in disbelief for a few days at that fact that my precious bundle was in fact a boy.  I know the memory of Jadon entering the world will be  just as vivid on my death bed as it was on that hospital bed (unless of course I have dementia!).  Bringing a life into the world for the first time was by far the most intense experience I've ever had.  I never knew that I could love that instantly and that deeply.  I loved him simply because I created him.  What a revelation when I realized that is exactly how God looks at me, only His love is magnified by at least a trillion. :)

Raising a boy is a trip!  It cracks me up that boys seem to know the inner workings of each and every super hero from the time they exit womb.  It's like God plants that in their DNA.  Maybe He whispers in their ear as He’s speaking them into motion, "You will know the gospels of Superman, Spiderman, Batman and Star Wars."  Boys are drawn to the good versus evil stories.  The best part is that Jadon believes he will be a super hero one day.  When asked what he wants to be when he grows up, Superman usually makes the list (right after he tells us that he is going to be an inventor of machines and that he is never getting married!).  He wants to live a daring adventure; one that involves killing large animals and rescuing mobs of people.  Now to protect that and not let the world squash his belief.  It can't be squashed because the truth of the matter is, this world NEEDS super heroes.  It is easy to teach Jadon (in kid appropriate language) that there is a good kingdom (God) and a bad kingdom (the devil) and the good kingdom needs super heroes who will destroy the works of the devil.  He totally gets it because at the end of the day it's all about good fighting evil and the punch line is always the same…good ALWAYS wins!!  Although tea parties with my daughter feel a bit more natural, I’ve been known to make a fine Superwoman from time to time!

As a side note, two books that I have found to be very helpful in raising my mighty warrior are Bringing Up Boys by Dr. Dobson and Wild at Heart by John Eldredge.  I would welcome suggestions of other great books on the topic of raising boys!

Creatures of Comfort

I work in an industry that is very dynamic and constantly changing.  At times it is down right chaotic.  On one hand it is exciting.  The overall experience of the work environment remains very fluid and seldom becomes stale.  On the other hand, it can feel rather unstable.  Just as you get in a groove and think you can breathe a bit, BAM the next big change comes and your world is once again turned upside down.  It is interesting to sit back and observe people in this environment.  We humans tend to gravitate towards comfort and familiarity.  When our comfort zone is threatened, it is easy to go in attack mode and do everything we can to prevent the change.  Sometimes we spend more energy attacking than if we would have just stared the circumstance in the face and figured out how we need to adjust.  Our company has seen major change over the past five years and time and time again those that rise to the top are the ones that remain flexible, embrace the change and adjust.  It is really quite amazing.  It’s not their resume, or number of degrees or vast technical expertise.  It’s their adaptability and willingness to step outside of their comfort zone.  The rest of the population (my father would call them “comfort zone junkies”) remains flat or worse.  They expel so much energy talking against the change and fighting “the man,” that I wonder how many years they are removing from their life due to high blood pressure!

I find myself somewhere in the middle to be quite truthful.  I’m not a comfort zone junkie but I am also not one that thrives on lots and lots of change.  Change can be fun, but I can definitely feel my blood pressure rise at times when my comfort is threatened.  This is where my husband balances me (thank God!).  I could come home one evening and say, “Honey, I’ve accepted a new job.  We have to move to Canada.  Oh, and I already bought our new house.  I hope you like it!”  He would say something like, “Oh cool!  When do we move?”  He is the ultimate embracer of change.  I don’t know if he has a comfort zone?!?  Anyway, I’ll wrap this up.  This was just an observation that I’ve noticed after spending the last several years in Corporate America.  Change is inevitable no matter where you are in life.

Maternity Leave and Other Stuff

So I am back to work after my eight week maternity leave.  My three maternity leaves have all been such a sacred time in my life.  It is a wonderful season and one I am never quite ready to let go of.  I could take a 6 month maternity leave and it still wouldn’t be enough!  It’s as if I am living in a little bubble; sheltered from the world with nothing to focus on but me and my precious little baby.  My first maternity leave was only 6 weeks.  I know the difference between 6 and 8 weeks doesn’t seem like a lot, but it is HUGE!  My advice to all new moms – if you can swing it, 8 weeks should be the minimum.  By 8 weeks, your body is mostly back to normal (assuming you had a “normal” delivery), you are sleeping a bit more and there will be some part of you (even if it’s just a tiny speck) that will be ready for your normal routine.

Now to talk about the hardest part of the whole process…leaving that tiny bundle of joy with someone else.  I admit that leaving the third was less dramatic than leaving my first but it is still SO hard.  Be comforted that it does get better.  Here is some advice that I would offer to those moms facing this situation:

o        Pray, pray, pray before selecting a daycare provider.  Ask God to give you peace about the daycare environment he has for your child.  He WILL give it to you (Ask and you shall receive…)

o        View your daycare provider (and her family if you are going to an in home provider) as an extension of your family.  This is a partnership.  They are NOT raising your kids, but they are coming along side you for this journey to help care for and mold your child into the person God intends them to be.

o        That said, realize that your daycare provider will NOT do everything exactly the way you would.  You need to decide on those items that you will not compromise on and those that you can just let roll off your back because ultimately it doesn’t matter in the grand scheme of things.  One example from our personal daycare journey is pets.  We are not pet people, but our daycare providers have always had dogs.  This is not a deal breaker for us.  Actually Jadon being exposed to dogs has helped him outgrow his allergy to them!

o        Leave the office at the office and let the joy of seeing your little one consume you during your non-paid-working hours.

o        Let go of your guilt for being a working mother and CHOOSE to enjoy the moment. 

o        Finally, caffeine is just as important as a good breast pump!