Miss Independent

Independence.  Feels good, doesn’t it?  I am in control of my destiny.  I am the captain of my own ship.  I am queen of my island.  That’s right, I’ve got it all figured out. 

This thought process is pretty accurate, right?  Not only does the American culture breed a craving for comfort, but also for independence.  I think we often think of independence as synonyms for success, “making it,” dominance, power, etc.

My sense of independence was really broken this week and I am thanking God for that.  We were never intended to live a life of independence.  As my pastor often says, God has called us to live a life of interdependence.  The perfect model of this is the interdependence of the Father, Son and Holy Spirit.

On Tuesday evening I fell on my tailbone extremely hard.  I was bed ridden for the next day as I could not get up without fainting.  I was so out of control of my body.  I had no sense of independence whatsoever.  I needed assistance with everything.  I had to reach out and ask for help from friends so my husband could return to work.  I had to receive this help and love despite the fact that it was uncomfortable because my sense of independence was being shattered.  My pride was being crumpled like a piece of useless paper.

The breaking process is never fun, but there is always beauty on the other end.  This beauty has a name.  His name is Jesus.  In the process of asking for help, I went deeper in learning how to receive love.  I went deeper in learning how to receive healing.  I went deeper in friendships.  I went deeper in my respect for my husband who continues to lay down his life for me in good times and bad.  I went deeper in my appreciation for the power of prayer.  I went deeper in my love for my parents who still showed concern for me as if I was 4 years old again and had just fallen off my bike. 

Interdependence is a very joyful, peaceful way to live.  I would crush my tailbone all over again to go deeper in this lesson.  I don’t want to pretend any longer that I am queen of my own island.  My life already has a royal master who sympathizes more with my pain and suffering than I will ever comprehend.

Growing Too Fast

My oldest little person turned 6 last week.  That fact alone really seems impossible.  A few days before his birthday, his belief in Santa, The Easter Bunny, The Tooth Fairy and all other magical creatures that mysteriously visit you while you sleep (the concept is really quite creepy) came to an end.  I was really quite sad about this.  My husband and I have always said that believing in such “people” will be something fun for our kids, but we won’t go out of our way to convince them that they are real.  So the time came when Jadon was asking questions and starting to think about these scenarios with too much logic.  How does a bunny leave candy for children without any arms to hold said candy?!?  His questions were too demanding to brush them aside.  The truth had to come out.  He just smiled as the truth was revealed as if he had figured it out years ago.

I’m not sure why this is so sad to me?!?  I guess it’s because it’s just one more sign that he’s growing too fast.  I think believing in fantasy and having a wild imagination are such magical parts of childhood.  On the bright side, I guess he now knows that all of these gift givers do not have endless pocketbooks!