Miss Independent

Independence.  Feels good, doesn’t it?  I am in control of my destiny.  I am the captain of my own ship.  I am queen of my island.  That’s right, I’ve got it all figured out. 

This thought process is pretty accurate, right?  Not only does the American culture breed a craving for comfort, but also for independence.  I think we often think of independence as synonyms for success, “making it,” dominance, power, etc.

My sense of independence was really broken this week and I am thanking God for that.  We were never intended to live a life of independence.  As my pastor often says, God has called us to live a life of interdependence.  The perfect model of this is the interdependence of the Father, Son and Holy Spirit.

On Tuesday evening I fell on my tailbone extremely hard.  I was bed ridden for the next day as I could not get up without fainting.  I was so out of control of my body.  I had no sense of independence whatsoever.  I needed assistance with everything.  I had to reach out and ask for help from friends so my husband could return to work.  I had to receive this help and love despite the fact that it was uncomfortable because my sense of independence was being shattered.  My pride was being crumpled like a piece of useless paper.

The breaking process is never fun, but there is always beauty on the other end.  This beauty has a name.  His name is Jesus.  In the process of asking for help, I went deeper in learning how to receive love.  I went deeper in learning how to receive healing.  I went deeper in friendships.  I went deeper in my respect for my husband who continues to lay down his life for me in good times and bad.  I went deeper in my appreciation for the power of prayer.  I went deeper in my love for my parents who still showed concern for me as if I was 4 years old again and had just fallen off my bike. 

Interdependence is a very joyful, peaceful way to live.  I would crush my tailbone all over again to go deeper in this lesson.  I don’t want to pretend any longer that I am queen of my own island.  My life already has a royal master who sympathizes more with my pain and suffering than I will ever comprehend.

Growing Too Fast

My oldest little person turned 6 last week.  That fact alone really seems impossible.  A few days before his birthday, his belief in Santa, The Easter Bunny, The Tooth Fairy and all other magical creatures that mysteriously visit you while you sleep (the concept is really quite creepy) came to an end.  I was really quite sad about this.  My husband and I have always said that believing in such “people” will be something fun for our kids, but we won’t go out of our way to convince them that they are real.  So the time came when Jadon was asking questions and starting to think about these scenarios with too much logic.  How does a bunny leave candy for children without any arms to hold said candy?!?  His questions were too demanding to brush them aside.  The truth had to come out.  He just smiled as the truth was revealed as if he had figured it out years ago.

I’m not sure why this is so sad to me?!?  I guess it’s because it’s just one more sign that he’s growing too fast.  I think believing in fantasy and having a wild imagination are such magical parts of childhood.  On the bright side, I guess he now knows that all of these gift givers do not have endless pocketbooks!    

Crazy Times

In a little over a week’s time we will have a “for sale” sign in our front yard.  Preparing to sell a house is a lot like preparing for a wedding (if you’ve done neither, I have a few points of advice:  #1.  Elope and #2. Live with your parents until you can afford your dream home…..ha!).  Like planning for a wedding, there are so many minor details that you come to a point where you throw your hands in the air and say what is done is done, what is undone will remain undone.  We are to that point.  We have been working really hard the last two months to prepare our home for a potential buyer.  We’ve replaced bathroom floors, painted, stained the deck, fixed doors, painted some more, seeded the lawn, etc.  And by “we,” I clearly mean my husband.  But we are one now, so his labor is my labor - BUT my labor pains will never be his. J  My husband has conquered this intense labor with perseverance and grace.  Hopefully all of his hard work will be a blessing to the next home owners.

I haven’t had time to really think about all of the realities of actually selling our home.  Anyone that has tried to sell a home in the last 5-7 years knows how scary it is from a financial perspective.  It is a really tough market out there, but we feel strongly that God is calling us to another community so we know He’ll work out the details.  I’ve had glimmers of sadness here and there at the thought of leaving our first home, but I’m sure the fullness of that will hit me when it actually sells.  So if you think of us over the next few weeks, we would love your prayers as we take a step of faith and follow God’s lead.  Let the “fun” begin.

Faithful

I am reading the book of Matthew right now and I always find the stories of Jesus miraculously feeding thousands of people so fascinating.  First of all, it is just an amazing miracle that shows the depth of his compassion to feed a famished crowd that has taxed him in every way.  Chapter 14 details the miracle of feeding 5000 people with five loaves of bread and two fish.  Skip ahead one chapter and Jesus is once again surrounded by thousands of people who are in desperate need of nourishment.  The disciples ask Jesus where they will get enough food to feed everyone in such a desolate land.  What?!?  Weren’t you just with Him when he fed 5000 people (not counting women and children)?!?  And now you ask how He is going to feed this many people.  Oh ye of little faith.

This lack of faith is so obvious when you read these stories back to back in the bible.  But how often do I ask the same silly questions??  Whether it is finances, time, agendas, everyday details that stress me out, etc., I hear Him lovingly saying “Haven’t I come through on this time and time again?  Don’t you have faith enough to know that I will come through again?”  He is so faithful.     

These Are a Few of My Favorite Things!

I tend to get on “kicks.”  Here are my latest favorites.  I’m bound to get some sort of free product with this plethora of free marketing exposure J

I gave up pop last summer so I’ve found a few alternatives when I crave a yummy drink.  This still has too much sugar, but the rest of the ingredients are pretty good!  It is delicious, especially on a cold, winter day!

My hubby’s uncle gave us a bread maker last summer and I am slightly obsessed!  Is there anything better than a hot loaf of fresh bread?  If you answered, yes then you’ve never had a hot loaf of fresh bread.  Or you are crazy.

The best salad spinner ever!  This is the Sharper Image brand (found it at Bed, Bath and Beyond).  No more soggy lettuce.  It also keeps my lettuce nice and crisp for several days in the fridge.  Mmmmm, love me a good salad!

This bag of goodness is kind of the latest trend on all of the healthy eating blogs, but I don’t care if it is trendy.  It is very yummy and so good for you.  It is a grain and cooks similar to instant rice.  We use it for stir fry, taco bowls, with pesto, in risotto, etc.  Very yummy!

This popcorn is amazing!  I’m not a huge popcorn lover, but the hint of lime and salt is so, so good. 

These books are absolutely adorable.  My mom introduced us to these books last year when she came to visit after Kya was born.  My kids love them!  The stories and pictures are precious.

Finally, this is my FAVORITE one year old J

Goodnight, Baby!

I just put my youngest to bed with a touch of sadness.  When she wakes in the morning she will no longer be my baby, but my one year old!  Wow!  What an amazing year.  It is beyond my understanding how 12 months can pass so quickly.  Celebrating first birthdays is always a bittersweet moment for me.  On the one hand, I absolutely love the 12-18 month stage.  It is my absolute favorite.  On the other hand, the first birthday marks a big milestone and the end of the baby phase.  I have no desire to relive the baby stage (I have very needy babies) but there will be no more first smile, first roll, first tooth, first clap, etc.  Sweet memories!  In the midst of the chaos of three kids, it is easy to see why God calls children our rewards.  So true!  Nighty, night.      

Perspective

I went to a women’s conference this weekend and got my soul rocked a bit.  The guest speaker was Carolyn Custis James and she was fabulous.  I’ve not read any of her books yet, but after hearing her speak I am very anxious to do so.  Her passion is to mobilize Christian women for the body of Christ by communicating that women bear the image of God and were created to fight alongside our Christian brothers to see the kingdom of God come to this earth (…on earth as it is in heaven).  We talked a lot about the plight of women across the globe and how we need to open our eyes to the injustices taking place right under our nose; sex trafficking, extreme poverty, patriarchal societies, etc.  These injustices go against everything the kingdom of God stands for and they AFFECT US.  Because we were created in the image of God, we are called to reflect this image to the world and injustice is not the heart of God. 

After listening to the information this weekend, it’s hard not to feel guilty.  I was raised in a loving home, have a great education, have a wonderful husband who treats me as his equal, have great children, the list could go on and on.  Some days my biggest dilemma is figuring out what to serve for dinner!  I needed this weekend to reset my perspective.

So now I have a choice.  Do I sit here and fester in this guilt?  As easy as that might be, guilt is not the answer.  One, guilt is not the voice of God and two, it accomplishes nothing.  Guilt implies that I am not worthy of not having to suffer such injustices.  God does not think less of me because I’ve had an easier life compared to others.  He wants me to use my resources to restore His vision.  He wants me to understand that His gospel is not just a middle class gospel.  He wants to deepen my hatred of evil and injustice (the bible says that to fear the Lord is to hate evil).  He wants to spur my heart into action to fight for those who cannot fight for themselves.  This is a high calling and one that cannot be accomplished without total reliance on the Holy Spirit. 

If I had lived during the time of slavery, Hitler’s reign, the civil rights movement, etc., it’s easy to say that I would have done something!  I would have been a voice that spoke out against such injustice.  But that was then so luckily there were people before me that did that.  But what about now?!?  There are 5 year old girls who are in Brothels right here in the United States.  There are teenagers in the US who are convinced to join “the game” and are sold into the world of sex trafficking.  Pornography is a rampant problem in our country (in the church as well) that is largely funding the sex trafficking industry.  There are women in other countries who are not allowed to show their face in public because their value is so demeaned in their culture.  There are single mothers who have to put their young children to work just to survive. 

So what do I do with all of this?  My heart has been sobered and burdened.  I don’t want my life to be based on seeking the next pleasure or comfort.  I don’t want to do the daily grind and spend the rest of my waking hours in front of the TV.  I want my life to matter.  When I stand before the Lord on judgment day, I don’t want to have to explain why my “uniform is clean” and why I didn’t get in the game and fight the good fight against the enemy.  Fighting the good fight does not mean that we all have to be missionaries, in charge of nonprofit organizations, or spear head the next great movement of God.  It simply means fighting for those around you until justice is restored.  It is fighting for the fatherless child across the street, the child in school who is being bullied, the single mother at work who is barely staying above the poverty line, the teen in your youth group who is on the verge of being kicked out of his house, the missionary who came and spoke at your church who is taking the gospel to a dangerous part of the world, sharing the whole gospel (salvation and restoration) with the co-worker who just left her abusive husband, the list could go on forever.  I want to be in the game and FIGHTING!